Winter Is Coming

Recently turned New Englander here and I am concerned for the ever present change to winter. As a Southern California resident for my entire life I have never seen winter and am frankly terrified. When do the white walkers come?

Do New Englander's just live in little huts when the first snow falls? Are there dragons. I have no idea what to expect and every time I am in the office Deborah just says “Oh, Just you wait! You baby man!” I am frankly lost as what is to come for the upcoming snow. Do they purge? Will I be murdered in the street? How much milk and bread will I need? Every time a snow storm is on the news there is never any milk and bread left in the grocery store! Why? It’s so perishable!

For the upcoming winter I have prepared myself with the following items:

Chainsaw

Shovel?

Light saber?

I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen and Deborah really didn’t help. Please send someone.

Frozen Yogurt Isn’t Ice ream

You can hide under all the toppings you want but the fact is that frozen yogurt will never be ice cream and all of you players who say that it could be a sustainable replacement are liars.

“I just don’t understand when foods try to be other foods” says long time meat eating dairy consuming John.

Our world is under complete food substitution meltdown. We have lab grown meats trying to be meats, we have yogurt pretending to be ice cream, and we have condescending people saying that these foods are “better” without reading and ingredient list. The things is that things like ice cream and burgers should not be eaten all the time. It is how we establish healthy eating habits we eat more vegetables instead of junk. We eat lean proteins instead of red meat. Capitalism however, pushes us to eat like crap so then people are backed into a corner to make substitutes for the crap, that are well crap.

Wake up America and just eat a vegetable. It’s like vegetarianism is cool and fine but you can’t claim fame to health when you have Cheetos and cereal for every meal. Have a bean burger, they are delicious and are their own thing. They are not trying to be anything else. Yes, I understand that burger is in the name, but everyone knows they aren’t. They are a patty of delicious bean and spices. All I am saying is food just be food and we should not have to move through all this red tape to eat. Just eat healthy and have the occasional ice cream cone or burger on a special occasion.

Frozen yogurt is not ice cream and because you think its healthier does not mean you can eat it more. Just eat normal food the best you can in this GMO, pesticide filled world and stay away from things with massive ingredient lists that were grown in a lab and or hiding what they really are. Be smarter than your food.

Family of Four Puts Up Christmas Tree during Halloween Party

During a Halloween party the Smith's at the stroke of midnight decided that they would put their Christmas tree up at the stroke of midnight.

Drew the Father said " It's part of out tradition we have everyone over for a Halloween party and then we make them help put up our Christmas decorations- its just efficient."

Drew is right that is efficient, but the party turn-out has been declining for the past couple of years. Turns out no one wants to help the Smith's put up wedding decorations. We did interview some of the party guests and got these responses:


"I just don't understand why you want drunk people to put up your Christmas decorations. Also this is supposed to be a party." says Amy dressed as a sexy Pikachu.

"I left early" says Jeff dressed as Danny Devito.

"It was just really lame of them, they even made the kids put up decorations" says Haley ironically dressed as an elf.

This type of behavior has become more common among young folks. With internet memes upon us some people take them a little to literal, by actually decorating for Christmas the night of Halloween.

Boys are Forever Tied to the Woods Wizard

Child comes forward about spooky woods wizard that haunted them in the forest for years. Calvin H. and Brett T. were just two young boys when the woods wizard started to create trouble for them in the woods. Their parents thought it was just some homeless man d they didn’t permit kids into that part of the woods again. Naturally, children aren’t quick to follow their parent’s rules especially when the woods wizard knows magic.

one believed the two boys until Calvin brought Brett back but as a frog. No one believed the frog was Brett at first and the local town launched a missing person investigation. They didn’t believe Calvin, but it hardly mattered he held onto Brett, well into adulthood. Even though the lifespan of a frog is typically shorter Brett managed to live until old age. As a frog. Moral of the story, don’t mess with the woods wizard.